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Why I Turned Down My Sister's Offer To Adopt My Baby

Excerpted from a post on

. . . This was when my sister back home offered to adopt my unborn child. That phone call came as a complete surprise. In all my research on the different routes taken by women in my situation, I knew many considered having a member of the family raise their child. I’d read about grandparents, aunts, godparents, even siblings stepping in. In some ways, it made perfect sense to keep the child in the family, where the birth mom could still be a big part of his or her life. In some ways, it was very tempting. My first reaction was one of hope and possibility.

For some people, this could really work. But after much heart-felt and gut-wrenching deliberation, I decided it couldn’t work for me. It was very complicated, but in the end, I wondered if she and her husband could love my child just like their other three. I didn’t want anything less than total unconditional love for my baby. I worried about their marriage, which had its problems — what would happen if they got divorced? What if I didn’t approve of their parenting? This would not be a loan. I would be on the sidelines, second guessing each decision but unable to act on my child’s behalf. Plus, this was my family. If things went south, it could have a devastating effect on the whole family, including my parents.

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